Two year’s ago on this day my husband past away from melanoma cancer, a year later my stepson passed and on June 29th of this year my mother past away. You could say I have become familiar with grief and it is not good, no matter what Lucy says to Charlie Brown. And I have had a few epiphany’s, or realizations that were exactly the same while grieving the loss of each person I love.
1. Driven by Distraction….
The biggest is that ….the relationship could have been so much more than it was. More loving, understanding, joyful, …
….but it was faulty and rife with distractions that kept the distances wide and deep. When I say distractions here is what I mean, old memories that suck away the life out of today, annoyances that chew away at the fabric of relationships, obsessive thoughts, behaviors, and anything that monopolizes your mind and time to the point where you have no space in either one to be interested in the life of the other person, because your desires, thoughts and choices push out everything and everyone else.
2. Lack of Authenticity
The second thing grief has taught me was that each of these relationships with people I love lacked authenticity. I am not going to shake out my laundry but just let me say that if you can’t be real with people you love than your cheating them and yourself. You are wasting precious time and energy on a facade that will be revealed.
3. If You Love Someone …Show & Tell…
Just saying “I love you” ..isn’t good enough. You have to show up ! Mail the card, make the call, take off work early to be there for the game, play, etc….that is what will be remembered. That is when memories are made and that is all we have once the other person is gone.
I have tried to untangle myself from these thieves and spend time with my family, friends and people I love. I have tried to be a person that is transparent, generous, and loving but there is always room for improvement. but at the end of each day I think about ways I can love better tomorrow as I thank GOD for the time I had with those who are gone and to make the most of the time I have while I am here.
Everything else is a false distraction stealing the time from what is important and that is to be kind to others, love and forgive them.
But first you have to be able to authentically love yourself before you can love others. And when you do, you might realize you need to shut some doors and walk away, because that is what is right and healthy for you.
Am I kind to myself, am I patient with myself, am I understanding with myself even when others are not, am I humble, …when you are then you can be kind, patient, understanding with others…this is what love looks like..
1 Corinthians 13
1 John 3:18