Abuse · Healing · Inspirational · Uncategorized

The Broken Hearted

 

 

The quickest way to destroy a person is to begin at birth. Reject them completely and make sure they feel and know (mind and emotions) that they are unwanted and unlovable. Then proceed to hammer in those beliefs by verbal, physical and mental abuse. Really set them up by not hugging them, laughing with them or encouraging them in any way. Be sure and hit them in front of other people as often as possible.  Be sure and tear down every dream and hope of being included and any feelings of being good enough. Then of course tell them “I love you”, so they will attribute love and pain as one and the same. Then you can be sure that when they grow up they will attract others who say “I love you” and then physically, mentally, and verbally abuse them as well. Because you have done your job so thoroughly they will learn to hate the word LOVE and being told “I love you” will only create suspicion and pain.. whenever they hear it.

Is this too intense for you? This is the way I was raised.

I grew up feeling exactly the way I was trained too. Unwanted, unloved and worthless.  I would feel extreme anger towards anyone who said they “loved me”, and I attracted abusive relationships.  Illegal drugs became my self-medication, I drank too much and believe it or not I was driven to make money, as much as I could, because no one was going to take care of me, but me. I grew up hungry and starving for all of the basic human needs that most people would deem as the bare necessities.

I have learned that this is the diabolical plan of that,  yes, I am going to say the word, satan, our mortal enemy who hates GOD who is LOVE.  He uses every tool he can manipulate to annihilate and destroy any hope of a normal much less blessed life. He starts when we are still in the womb, with his plans for destruction. And he will make sure he uses the people closest to us and the ones we should be able to trust the most, such as parents, siblings, family and friends, clergy as his weapon of choice, because they do the most effective work. He is a thief who will steal every shred of hope, joy, love, peace, health and future we might have, if at all possible. But there is hope~

John 10:10

The thief comes only to steal, kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it abundantly.” 

The enemy was accomplishing all he had set out to do in my life, by utterly destroying me. That was until I literally heard God speak to the deepest part of who I am in the middle of the night while I was partying. And there was no reason for Him to take the time to do that for me. He spoke to me in the deepest, darkest, loneliest place of my soul and said,

“You are on the edge and if you take one more step you will go over, but if you turn around, I will help you.”

The edge of what, death, prison, insanity? All I knew is that those words startled me and they were a complete buzz kill, but in a good way.

That happened when I was 22 and doing crystal meth, crank, anything I could get my hands on and up my nose is what I did.  No one reached out to me no parents, friends, relatives, no one cared how I was living or how bad I was hurting, no one but GOD saw me.

And GOD see’s you too~

GOD’s love and mercy reached out to me even while I was not even in my right mind and high on drugs. I had seen enough destruction that I knew it was only a matter of time before I was beyond help. So I clung to His word’s and held Him to it.

But I can tell you that Genesis 50:20 is true:
“You intended to harm me, but God intended it all for good…”

I will continue sharing my truth and the story of how LOVE rescued me throughout the month of February and I hope that it will bring hope and healing to others.

2 thoughts on “The Broken Hearted

  1. You are more than your pain…………………. you are kind, strong and beautiful inside and out, you are the most amazing woman I’ve ever had the opportunity to speak with about numerous past story’s. God has answered your prayers and because you listened he has granted you so much Eternal Love, you need not ever doubt the word again. What courage it must of took to share your story. Be blessed with the Lord for he is with you always. Sincerely, Debbie

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