Sacred Intimacy

Several weeks ago the words “Sacred Intimacy” popped into my thoughts and with it the full blown understanding of what it is and how important it is. Because of the word sacred you might attribute a religious connotation. I do think that religion clearly set’s boundaries to protect the sacred intimacy of the individual but I think we interrupt more as rules to follow, rather than boundaries of protection of our sacredness.

But here is the what and the why…

You are an individual, irreplaceable, there is no one like you and you are a sacred creation.

When we are violated at any age the sacredness of true intimacy is wounded and replaced by shame. Which causes fear, quilt, and disconnection from ourselves.

Shame replaces Sacred- So then we do not value the sacredness of our temple, instead our bodies become a source for short term pleasure, like a drug or a tool to earn money, like a piece of machinery. But when we devalue our temple because of abuse or personal choices, we sever our connection to our spirit and our day to day lives become less and less meaningful, hopelessness sets in, laced with regret and disconnection and denial drive our daily lives and decisions are made from a survival mindset.

I don’t believe we have to live like that and I do believe the damage can be reversed and we can restore our divine connection with ourselves one day at a time, one loving act at a time.

I would like to think there are a few rare souls in the world who may truly understand what sacred intimacy looks and feels like. But I don’t think I have personally met any of them.

We have allowed our sacredness to be annihilated through what we watch, listen to, and the secrets we keep.

Valuing ourselves by loving and caring for our body, mind, emotions and spirit… is the beginning of sacred intimacy with our selves… Because to really love anyone else … we must first love who we are.

To hold yourself as a sacred, uniquely created being that deserves the very best food, care, physical activity, work you enjoy, and not compare yourself to anyone else, because honestly there is no comparison… you are an original made in the image and likeness of a loving creator.

And I think it is important to understand that if you are violated and abused that does not mean you deserved it or did anything to cause that to happen. You are not guilty and you should not punish yourself for the choices and actions of someone who should be held accountable for their actions.

But the fact is in order to heal there must be forgiveness. It is the hardest place to begin but it will begin the process of learning to love your beautiful self and hold your life as the sacred gift that it is.

You are fearfully and wonderfully made, this I know.

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The Pit of the Past Prologue

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Personal history is hard to share but everyone’s story matters and that includes mine. I have been told many times that I should write a book and I laugh and say I did “Mattie’s Legacy”, But I know what they meant. They were referring to my personal journey. But I don’t like to look too long at the past, but it is important to review it to mine it for the truth and heal the wounds we covered up along the way.

The tricky part is to not get stuck in the pit of the past.

I was in prayer and meditation one morning just a few weeks ago, and yes, grieving over the past, and this was what the Spirit revealed to me: I saw myself climbing a mountain, and when I looked back I saw the mountain crumbling away into a deep pit, much like what happens during an earthquake, the sides were crumbling away, and I knew if I stayed where I was, I would be lost in the pit, I had to move forward, I couldn’t stay where I was, the journey is not over, and there is only one way open and that is forward. You will look back, I will look back but we cannot stand still in it. There is no life there.

You can only reflect on the past for a beautiful memory, healing, and forgiveness, any other emotions will keep you trapped in a pit only a loving Creator can lift you out of.

Psalm 40:2

He lifted me out of the horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and made my footsteps firm.

Begin Again~

I’m Back…..

I never stop writing but blogging and sharing was set aside as I sold a house, bought a house, moved to a new town and started a new day job. Why do the very things we love so much get so little of our time?  I have been trying to quantify that in my life and it seems to always come down to finances.  I am hopeful that the old saying is true, “It is never too late to be who you might have been.” or is it “It is never too late to be who you want to be”. I hope both are true.

I have had some very powerful inspired moments in the past couple of years and hope to share them with this small space online. With the hope that what I share will inspire, heal, and lead to aspired living on a spiritual level for anyone who has a moment to stop by. You are welcome and you are loved.


What Do I Really Want?

I follow the writer of the book Atomic Habits James Clear on Instagram because his posts are interesting and thought provoking. His recent post stated that at one time and for awhile every morning he would write “What Do I Really Want?” at the top of a piece of paper and then write, and it helped him to identify what he really wanted and to take action steps to make it happen. So I thought I would give it a try and see what would come up. This question has actually come up a lot over the last several years since my husband succumbed to cancer and my children have grown up and moved into their adult lives, leaving me to figure out the what now question. Mine took a bit of a turn. And since I am a big fan of over sharing I thought I would share it here. I may do this for a few days or a week or not. I’m all about consistency. I am consistently inconsistent.

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___ What I really want is a clean well organized home, mind, body and spirit. I want freedom from other peoples bias judgements, I want to be free from dogma, free to be me-Freedom of emotion and thought — Free from judgement, freedom from the past, mistakes, bad decisions I can not change, free of the consequences of other peoples choices and there affect on me, on my life. I want to be seen for who I am. Really who I am. Not other peoples idea of who I am a one dimensional version, a characterization of an aspect that could never explain who I am. I am a person who cares deeply about others, empathetic, and selfless to the point that asking what do I really want causes me pain. Surprisingly ! I feel an ache in my sternum and realize that asking this question and feeling this deep physical ache is a conditioning of my childhood that says, ” What right do I have to want anything? I hear a voice, a familiar voice from the grave say, “Who do you think you are, to think you deserve more ?” And then I realize that voice does not understand it was never about things like clothes, cars or material stuff that I really wanted. I wanted the intangible and I still want it — peace, joy, strength, resilience, forgiveness, freedom, love. Love. To be loved, to be wanted. The unconditional agape love – Not the romantic, physical or obligatory that says we are related so yeah I love you. But the kind of love that is not based on what a person does or does not do and is not conditional. I think deep down below the noise of social media, television, celebrities, etc… I believe this is the great human need. To be really and purely loved. To be accepted loved for no other reason than you are alive and you are loved. _________________________

I hope you feel accepted and loved.

Needing a Space

A place to come undone – So I came back to where I began

To myself – Alone

I was gone to long

Forgetting why I begun

The rhythm gone

A song with out purpose

With No one to sing along

You will find here a strange assortment of random words and rhythms. If you like please visit as often as you want. I have been away from here and my mind aches from words unsaid. My day job is in healthcare and although I am not a hero by any means. I sit behind monitors in a business office, I too feel the weight of the times we are all in. I admit I have chosen to tune out of news land for sanity and preservation. No one needs that daily incessant dose of negativity. But for the last week I have awakened with a feeling of physical and mental frustration. My books go half finished the ones I read and write. This feeling of anxious almost tilting to anger has taken me by surprise. I have had so much change– New job, new town, new home… Downsized considerably my children are grown and I am singularly alone in my world outside of work. I have to find a way to connect, to release the prose, to be a speck in humanity with a small small voice. I used to splash what I write on facebook and instagram but I don’t feel the desire to do that anymore. I don’t think I care if or who reads what I write…. Maybe I deeply desire that the ones it will touch, encourage, edify, or resonate will be led to it, and find it intuitively. I figure I pay for this little speck of internet space I might as well use it and hopefully it will help me or you.

Peace and Love

Amateur Hour

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I am posting videos on youtube and it is a learning curve for sure. I say amateur hour but the video’s are less than 14 minutes long because I can not seem to be able to post longer one’s. I think it has something to do with lack of subscribers and it is a numbers game for sure. But hey my north node is in Leo and I have been advised by the stars to take up acting… unfortunately I suck at acting so what you are witnessing on my youtube videos is the real deal. Lifeitsaflippinthing is the link if you would be so kind as to stop by and say hi.

A Jumble-Cart of a Post

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Jumble-Cart Self Defined: A jumble of things in a cart. In this case several topics thrown into a blog post 🙂

Sometimes weird little words or phrases pop into my head and I think, “where did that come from” or “what does that mean?”.

Does that happen to you? Those mysterious words and phrases slide into your mind and you have no idea where you heard or read them. And you wonder how did I come to even know them? It happens to me frequently and that is how I came up with the title for today’s post. It popped into my mind, probably because I have several topics I wanted to write about so I googled jumble-cart to see if it was of my own making or picked up from this amazing mysterious quantum existence we are living. I didn’t find much except once used in an old manuscript. Well as you can see from the above definition I gave it, I sometimes just go with it and choose my own language as well.

News Flash:

I received delivery of fresh hot off the press new copies of Mattie’s Legacy my self published, fiction novel. You can find reviews if google the name. If you would like to purchase a signed copy please visit the General Store and order and I will send it to you in a padded envelope by media mail USPS with free shipping 🙂 Thank you in advance 🙂

A lot of noise is going on in our world and working in health care I feel like it is amplified which is causing heightened emotions for patients, families and staff. The lyrics “What the world needs now is love, love sweet love,” flows through my mind and I try daily to express that while I work.

I thought I would share my thoughts, a poem and some resources I feel have helped me through this evolutionary change we are all experiencing this one and only time with the hope that we can begin to live out those lyrics globally and personally.

Change has been needed on a global level for far too long and in a perfect world we would have accomplished this as a whole of humanity long before now. But perfect we are not and it has not happened, so time is up, we were given the opportunity many times through history to make and correct ourselves and not just on the surface but at the heart and spirit level. Our evolutionary evolving should have reached that level of love and acceptance before now. We should by now be able “to love our neighbor as ourselves” without having to be violently woke up. But again as we all know that it has not. I believe we have reached a tipping point that pushed our collective society into righteous indignation and to demand those changes NOW. And as a global outcry refuses to be silenced or lulled back into passivity as so often happens.

With all of this going on coupled with Covid-19 at the forefront of our everyday of our lives for everyone has taken the meaning of Viral to a new level literally. And for me on a personal level I was feeling the emotional drain and exhaustion mentally, physically, and spiritually. I have felt my energy turning from positive to defeated and depressed. And that is not in my nature. I felt a growing deep need for healing and for quiet, so I could regain the positive and peace I needed to heal my mind, heart and energy. It was not a check-out I needed but a check-in with myself. Checking in with how I feel, what has been my contribution, digging deep and finding areas within my own ideologies that needed changed. Hard stuff, but we can not get to where we need to be without taking individual responsibility. Our focus is so often outward on what others are doing or not doing that we forget to turn those questions on ourselves as individuals and evaluate our own hearts and minds. If you don’t think you have preconceived beliefs and judgements, think again because we all do and it should be our work as individuals to clean ourselves up internally everyday. Even if all you can do is take five minutes to evaluate yourself at the end of each day by reflecting on your encounters with others and mental responses, even that little will go a long way to healing us as individuals and as a mass society. I will leave that for now and hope that it will resonate with anyone who reads this.

What I am Reading Now: The Source of Self-Regard by Toni Morrison…You can find a copy on Amazon. I have just started this book and already it has touched nerves within myself and shed light on the dark corners of my heart and mind.

What I am Watching and Listening to: On Youtube watch this it will elevate your spirit, mind and heart: <a rel="noreferrer noopener" href="http://<iframe width="560" height="315" src="; frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen>The Animal Communicator and Her Incredible Ability. Watching Anna communicate with animals was the most fascinating and hopeful experience I have had in a very long time. What if we practiced this form of communication with each other and the animal world- what a wonderful world it would be. I watched this yesterday and than this happened today as I was reading Bob Goffs “Live in Grace Walk in Love” I was awed by today’s passage because it amplified what I had just watched yesterday and I just have to share it, because the synchronicity is just amazing: On Page 203, Job 12:7-9  “But ask the animals, and they will teach you, or the birds in the sky, and they will tell you; or speak to the earth, and it will teach you, or let the fish in the sea inform you. Which of all these does not know that the hand of the Lord has done this?

Okay if that does not blow your mind than I don’t know what would 🙂 I am still smiling and trying to talk to my golden retriever Stella and my cat Cayenne 🙂

Also watching on Youtube “A Chick Named Albert” check that one out to if you need your feel good vibes magnified. 🙂 as well

I will close with a not perfect free form poem and so much love and thoughts of peace your way …

A Dry and Desert Place

Do you hear the wind?

Wind of change rushing in laying waste to this dry desert place

body’s scramble to gain more to create the illusion of self-aggrandizment

posting pasting plastering trying to out run the truth

we are small simpletons self imposed scratching at our flesh

silently screaming watch me! watch me!

like a child begging an uninterested parent

we ignore the knocking that has been knocking for generations

we no longer hear the spirit at our door

and the important work we came here for

the mighty wind shatters the mirrors of our illusion

created from the sands of time appear as

beautiful prism’s of our lives

now Broken plain alone scattered dust to dust

it must return to where it came from that

cold dry desert sand slipping through bleeding hands

hot red soft sweet guilt drips at the feet of our ancestors

where it began, where it was left, where we continue to return

undone unfinished in a dry thirsty land

bleached bones shimmer

blood cries out again and again and again

down through time and ages and generations

It screams no more no more not again

in this dry desert place spinning

silent to the human ear but loud and clear

screaming back building

the wind’s came tearing through

our judgement and lies

carrying destruction and demolition in it’s wake

where is the rain

let it rain let it rain

cry out we must for the healing rain

desperate pleading

cleanse this dry desert place

wash us clean of injustice and hate

let the rain heal the pain

so can welcome the spring

so we can begin again to

reveal green sprouts and buds

the hope of a new day

for a new generation

to grow a stronger welcoming world for all to live in.

Hello YouTube World

lifeSo today I did something I have thought about doing for quite awhile but always found a reason not to just jump in and take a chance… creating a youtube video …. Scary, right?

I did it ! And it has been a learning curve for sure but it is out there albeit a very short video introducing myself and sharing a couple of cool thrifting finds. So if you would like to  check it out you can follow this link and take a peak it is only about 6 minutes. YouTubeVideo

Speaking of thrifting… I went out today with mask and gloves and it was great to just be able to do something I love again.  I also work in health care at our local hospital in the emergency room registration and even thought I do value and like what I do it has been beyond stressful. So spending time browsing and getting lost in some retail therapy was highly needed.


Take Care – Stay Strong- Let Love be Your Song

Sweet Sunday’s with Stella

Stella turned two on May 26th and is the sweetest most loving dog in the whole wide world. I thought I would share her sweet smile with you today because this morning with everything that is going on in our world we just need to see a friendly face. And this is one of the friendliest face you will ever see.

This morning I took Stella for a walk at 7 am and the town was beautifully quiet, except for the birds (we saw three baby cardinals playing-amazing) and squirrels were out in full force(they run this town). I have always wanted to live in a town like the one I live in now and have for six years.The word  bucolic popped into my mind as I was thinking about how much I enjoy perfect mornings like today as Stella and I were walking. It reminds me of Stars Hollow from Gilmore Girls.

But the reality today is that our Fleet Farm, Target and Wal-Mart have closed and are barricaded in preparation of expected protesting. I live in a town with a population of less than 30,000 and we have been put on notice that protestors from Chicago plan to protest in our town.  I am all for protesting and peaceful assembly but I have this unease and concern for the small business owners who have already loss so much during covid-19. I am aware that there are injustices that need resolution for the long term and that here is no quick fix.

When I arrived back home with Stella tired and a little sweaty I am overwhelmed with gratitude. I am grateful for this beautiful Sunday and the perfect weather. Which in Minnesota I have learned you don’t take a beautiful day for granted. As I take Stella’s harness off I stop and say a prayer for all ~ for those who are protesting , those who serve and protect, for those who are grieving and those who are comforting. Praying for your safety, healing, peace of mind, and comfort during these very difficult days.

Stella’s Sends Her Love To You All~

We’ve Come Undone

I live in Minnesota and work in healthcare in a small town less than an hour away from the Twin Cities and it is heartbreaking to watch these scenarios play out time and again. Please pray for all who are living through this and know that there is no … all bad , all good… or always… we are to complicated for boxes and the officer or officer’s who keep getting away with injustice and abuse of power must be brought to Justice — Now! Otherwise people have a right to protest and demand that justice but they do not have the right to steal and destroy other people’s lives, adding to the fire does not make for justice being served.

man wearing gas mask standing beside store facade
Photo by Oscar Chan on


Pressed in Place

To Keep us Safe

A Man’s Life


Breathe Silenced

Rage Rampages

Fear Escalates

Riot’s in the Street

Cries for Justice



Two Crimes

Don’t Make a Right

We’ve Come Undone

Again and


Burning Down

Black and White

Build it up

Phoenix Rising

Hope In Color

Hate Ends